Rock Bottom

The last few years have been quite challenging for me both physically and emotionally. Without going into great detail, I have been battling depression, big time. My self esteem virtually doesn’t exist anymore. I stress eat like crazy. I don’t sleep well. I am not physically active. I don’t have much interest in the things I usually enjoy doing. The list goes on and on.

Today, however….I hit rock bottom.

I have known that I am overweight for quite some time now. I have made very slight efforts to do anything about it, though. I am a fast food junkie who loves ice cream and soda….especially mixed together. I could quite possibly eat my weight in tacos and lasagna. I should probably buy stock in Little Debbie’s snack cakes, considering how much I eat them. It’s truly pathetic.

So today, I started researching some articles on weight loss. I don’t want to diet. I want to make lifestyle changes. While reading one success story, I decided to take before photos. Whenever I downloaded the photos off of my camera, I almost threw up….literally.

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How in the heck did I let myself get this way?!?! I have known for a long time that I have put on way too much weight. The scale continues to tell me so. But I never realized I looked like this.

Now, I completely understand that my worth is not found in what I look like. It is not found in the number on the scale. Or what size pants I put on. But what does bother me is where the fat is at. I constantly gripe at my mother, who is severely diabetic, because she doesn’t eat right or exercise and try to take care of herself….and I am following right in her footsteps!!!!

Tomorrow is Day 1 of getting serious about making lifestyle changes. I have said it many, MANY times before. But the photos above are a MAJOR eye opener for me.

And the changes aren’t just for my benefit. I have a teenager who I should be a role model for. Right now, all he knows is junk, junk and more junk. We eat at McDonalds at least three times a week. We eat so many processed, frozen meals at home. I know how to cook….I’m just lazy. I use the excuse of being too busy and tired whenever I get home. Yet, I have a Crock-Pot that could do a lot of the work for me during the day. And there are plenty of recipes that don’t require that much time to prepare. I’m just simply lazy.

But starting tomorrow, things will change. They HAVE to change. Because this is not who I want to be.